Interview with a Surrogate: What Forces Women to Become Surrogates
It's not difficult to understand why people turn to surrogacy to have a baby but what drives women to be surrogates? Why do they want to carry a child for strangers?
This is the first interview of the kind. Write your questions in the comments below and you'll definitely get the answers from our surrogates next time.
I believe surrogates have different reasons when participating in the programs. This lovely lady seems reasonable & confident with things involved. There are so many stories throughout the world on how people get their kids. This lady's friend is not the exception.
ReplyDeleteIf I got it right, she passed 3 rounds ivf unless was successful with twins. For most of us infetile women this is a huge physical and emotional struggle. So it's amazing when the fertile are willing to help. This is some of my background which I can hardly imagine without the 3rd woman's help right now. I was diagnosed on mild endo. Otherwise nothing we could figure out. AMH 1.6. DH (40) is perfect in every way. Married 2 years, TTC since March 2014. Dx: Unexplained primary infertility.
IVF#1 - Antagonist protocol. 12 eggs retrieved, 6 fertilized. 2 transferred day 3, no snowbabies. BFN. IVF#2 - Microdose flare protocol. 12 eggs retrieved, only 3 fertilized. Day 5 transfer of 2 blasts (grade 4AB, 4BB). We both felt too hopeless to move on with own eggs. Dr felt wrong with them too. Finally were told they were not going to work with IVF#3. He recommended turning to donor egg which actually we did. Though we had to switch the clinic for more affordable one. This way after loads of researches found ourselves at BioTexCom, Ukraine. We got a lovely donor who produced her beautiful healthy eggs for us. They placed back 2 5day blasts of A grade during ET. After that my life changed completely. Here's the Beta rise I've never experienced before!!: 5/11: Beta 104. 5/13: Beta 201. 5/17: Beta 1085. The 1st scan showed one of the blasts vanished. So we ended up with only one but we're satisfied with the outcome. Our baby is due November, 2018.
The lady from the video says she wanted to be an egg donor first. But she couldn't due to age, so decided to try becoming a surrogate mother. I'm so thankful we have people like her. Otherwise we'd never had this chance of becoming parents. For others the situation is much more difficult. Ladies cannot bear pregnancy themselves. So what should be done if no surrogacy option..Awesome people they are --egg/sperm donors & surrogates who help us with the most precious thing. May all they be blessed always.
Our daughter was born through surrogacy using donor egg. And this is what we experienced concerning relationship with our surrogate. It is important to make her feel like she has your support and love. We’ve never used sth like ‘my lawyer said’ for it’s not a very good idea. Especially when it comes to small gesture of gratitude. Another note from memory. Surrogates know that it’s your baby so you need to trust that they know what they are doing. Furthermore all surrogates have gone through this before, and telling them how much sleep they need, or questioning what they eat all day long is overwhelming and makes them feel like they are more of an employee. Take time to deeply get to know your surrogate mother, so that you build a solid friendship that lasts beyond the birth of your baby.
DeleteSo for me it was mainly about finding the right potential father for my baby. It's very difficult to find a partner who is committed to parenthood. Who is going to perform that role of the hands-on father. Who will share the pleasures and pains of upbringing equally. So it is because ladies want to find a man who is Mr. Right one and will be a good father for the child.
DeleteAs far as I know, first time women egg freezing was introduced was for cancer patients who was at risk of loosing their ability to reproduce because of the invasive treatment. Nowadays however the egg freezing procedure is available for women without any medical reasons required. All over the world each year more and more women are choosing to freeze their eggs.Unfortunately, egg freezing does not however guarantee pregnancy. According to research the average age of women who freeze their eggs is 38 which is when fertility declines rapidly and it is definitely much too late if you want to have high chances for pregnancy. Not to mention that pregnancy so late in life is a difficulty by itself..
But at least we do have this route today. And many women are using it successfully. Together with dh we'd been ttcing for 7 long years. Used different treatments, but only surrogacy gave us hope. Our sweet surro gave birth to our beautiful twins which is incredible. This is a life long experience we'll never forget! Also special thanks to our doctor Elena Mozgovaya, our incredible nurses and all the staff in BioTexCom who had helped us through all the milestones. May God bless you all!
@andycollins, hi and congrats! Being confident with the place you're in is just vital for the whole process. You need to know you're taken care well of. And that you can be supported any time you need. The thing I loved the most about BTC was that they treated us not like a ''cycle'' but like individuals with our individual needs, worries, issues. Our doc has always been compassionate about what she was doing and planning to do. I love the way our kind coordinator explained us the treatment steps. She was always the step ahead from us with our questions. That was amazing and sometimes it seemed she could read our thoughts lol. Guys there are awesome! I'm happy your story has the happy end. We all deserve kids into our lives. That's superb they've found the solution for you. And that you've experienced motherhood after all the pains you endured. God always blesses us for waiting. Our surro mom is currently prego with our first ever baby. Waiting impatiently for the 12 wks scan. Hope things are going right. Wish me luck.
DeleteAmy x
On the other hand, IP also have their own reasons to opt for a surrogate. I came across numerous ones. But I suppose these ones are mostly talked about:
ReplyDeleteSingle fathers who want babies.
Fear the baby would be ugly.
Not having a womb or womb won't carry baby to term.
Being of advanced maternal age.
Risk of postpartum depression.
Legitimate fear of childbirth.
Trauma surrounding a previous pregnancy or birth.
Infertility problems: his, her or both.
Not wanting to stop medical treatments or the physical toll of carrying a baby.
Fear that having a baby will impact her career.
LGBTQ couples looking t become parents.
Avoidance of weight gain.
Having previous miscarriages.
Because adoption isn't that easy.
Mom and dad are faced with genetic challenges.
For every couple the reason is different, but the aim's the same. It's great people can work out this tandem nowadays.
Another medical reason to use a surrogate stems from uterus issues — some women are born without a functional uterus, while others no longer have one due to a hysterectomy. Whether it's from fibroids, a past surgery, and/or scar tissue, some women have uterine scarring and cannot carry a baby to term. Also these conditions make pregnancy dangerous, and include heart disease, kidney disease, or severe diabetes. Other conditions include a history of breast cancer or severe preeclampsia. The last one is characterized by high blood pressure during pregnancy, and there could also be signs of damage to another organ system. Also for women who have had complicated pregnancies and whose doctors warn that getting pregnant again could be life-threatening. Women who have a history of miscarriages also use surrogates. In conclusion, there areso many medical reasons to use a surrogate. Anyway it's important to be well informed about the legal ramifications of using a surrogate first as there are so many complicated stories on the point. Dr. Krychman said once: "Laws are evolving state-to-state..Know the state you have a surrogate in, because laws differ, and there have been sticky legal issues. For example, a single man who used a surrogate to have a child later got married and then did not claim his child after birth - the courts awarded the child to the surrogate. So do your research." I believe this issue should be studied well in every country.
DeleteSurrogacy in the US might be quite tricky. Surrogacy there remains unregulated at the federal level. Each state has its own laws or not.The individual state laws vary widely even between states that are considered surrogacy friendly! Some states facilitate surrogacy and surrogacy contracts. Others refuse to enforce them. Some penalize commercial surrogacy. For legal purposes, key factors are: Where the contract is completed. Where the surrogate mother resides. Where the birth takes place. Therefore individuals living in a non-friendly state can still benefit from the policies of surrogacy friendly states. They may work with a surrogate who lives and will give birth in a friendly state. To crown it all, we found the process to be overwhelmingly expensive -- $60 – 150k. If a surrogate backing out, or in case of a miscarriage you have to pay at least $5k to match with another surrogate! Seems so many hidden costs! Furthermore in some states surrogate mothers retain a parental right to the child and can even pursue custody. Even though the embryos have both of your DNA - the surrogate mother’s name is on the birth certificate! Then you have to go through the process of adopting the baby in court. For all those reasons we started looking onto Eastern European options and finally stopped at Ukraine/Biotexcom.
DeleteYou're so much right!! Surrogacy in the USA seems so complicated. Especially with its every state having different law..It must be hard to go through there..As I've mentioned above we passed DE ivf cycles at Biotex. Our baby is due in Nov. But we lived with the couples in Venice Hotel going for surrogacy programs. They had only positive experience. No one regreted about coming to Ukraine and Biotex particulary.
DeleteWe've considered once surrogacy in the US. But as you and the former poster mentioned, the process may have some of the hidden burdens. We didn't risk to move that far. Instead chose Ukraine and I believe this is the best decision made ever. I wish we have passed our previous ivf cycles there at biotexcom clinic. Who knows, maybe we could save some of my fertility this way..
DeleteHere's my story with the previous treatments passed home, the UK. TTC #1 since 2/2011. IVF #1: - one beautiful A grade embie transferred. 1st scan '6w - saw a beautiful heartbeat! DD born 4lbs 1oz, 17" long (36w6d).
TTC #2 since 7/2014 11dpo - Terminated. Ectopic. 5w6d. IVF #2 - 1 beautiful B grade embie! - miscarried. IVF#3 & IVF#4 - 2 miscarriages in a row with further complications. TTC#2 turned out to be disaster for me. I completely lost my fertility and ability to carry the baby myself. I guess this could be avoided if docs were more accurate with the investigations on that why continuous mcs happen to me. I really think the story could have a different ending at biotexcom if we applied for help with them earlier..
Ours was the issue of multiple ivf failures. Poor thig, my wife has gone through 5 of them! For me it's too much! she seemed so extremelly exhausted from meds and stress and waiting..i couldn't see her grieving any more..all this saddness in her eyes..she used to cry out her heart for so many times!! and me?? I could do just nothing to help her endure those grey days..i could just imagine how it felt to her, but didn't realize how deep this pain was..Oh my, i'm so sorry for all women in this boat..Afterall we wanted this process to make more safier so to say. we decided to have someone to carry the baby for us. Furthermore our doctor was very pessimistic about making us go through one more cycle. so we thought we were on the right track..Believe or not the surrogate became the part of our family. She is not the sort of woman pretending for 1 photo per year + $20k as we were offered in the US by some lady. She is warm hearted young woman who still cares of how the things are going on now which we appreciate and will never want to loose..
DeleteI love the procedure is organized at Biotex. With VIP contract, we have ultimately all inclusive. No extra charges. Luxurious separate accommodation. Business car transfers and personal driver. Ukrainian mobile phone. Baby sitter and pediatrician and even all baby stuff needed. I think this package enables you with much more privilege. For us, it seemed to be a perfect combination of price and quality. Also, with this contact they provide spacious accommodation which is cool. I need to mention, no matter what package you choose, they provide airport pickup, transfers, interpreter service and even meals. Rather comfortable, isn't it. We spoke with those who are already parenting babies. They told us that waiting for all their papers to be ready for leaving back home may take a month or two. So one shoud be patient with that.
DeleteWell, our daughter saw this world due to surrogacy. And here are plenty of things to talk about the process.
DeleteThe main benefit is that it is a way to have children of couple’s own. It is favored over adoption since in most surrogacy arrangements, the kid will be genetically related to one or both parents. (In our case our girl is related to dh only as we used donor eggs for the procedure). . But, there are many medical, emotional, social, ethical, and legal concerns that go alongside witha surrogacy, which affect both sides. Also it is too expensive in the most countries. We were lucky to experience more affordable prices in Ukrainian biotexcom clinic. On the whole, this is a surrogacy friendly country. No bans, no surrogates keeping children after birth etc.
IF ladies/men face different fertility issues, and sometimes fulfiling their families becomes out of the question without medical help. This is great age didn't turn out to be the obstacle for this lady and she successfully achieved her pregnancy.
Deletedh and I had our initial consultation at Biotexcom clinic back in Jan 2016 after finding out my health issues would never let me carry the pregnancy. Moreover conceiving naturally would never have been a possibility!! And after a little research I came across this clinic in Kyiv to discuss our options. Immediately we loved everything about the clinic. Staff were incredibly friendly. Our dr made us feel at ease as she ran through the options available. We started surrogacy program straight away and over the following 2 months visited the clinic several times for medication and scans. Each time we felt more and more positive. The nurses were extremely caring. We had almost an instant feeling we were in good hands. Fortunately for us, soon we found out our surrogate was pregnant and had had a first healthy heartbeat scan results. I know everybodys situation varies and we have been extremely lucky for our first cycle to have worked. However, I still wanted to sing the praise of this clinic as they looked after us so well from day one. Our beautiful dr has an amazing team! Along with her own compassion, knowledge and skills they gave us something a year ago ago we never thought we would have. Now I'm 42 yo, nursing beautiful twins. We're so grateful for Biotexcom which gave us the most precious!
@andycollins, I absolutely agree. Firstly, surrogacy in the US remains unregulated at the federal level. Each individual state having its own laws or even not at all. The individual state laws vary widely even between states. Some states allow for surrogacy only for heterosexual couples, while others will allow married couples but not singles. The US negotiated surrogacy programs include all components of the surrogacy process. A single fee includes all medical procedures (including the IVF, embryo transfer prenatal care and the delivery), legal contracts and filings, the surrogate compensation and expenses as well as the logistical support from the IP’ agent. These programs range from $85,000 to $120,000 USD, not including an egg donor!!! I think this is overwhelmingly high for most couples. Another thing which bothers much is that a SM can claim the rights for the ked she gave birth too. Even though this baby has both of your DNA, she is considered to be its mom. To have this baby YOURS you have to go to the court. Adding also some other facts. If things go wrong, for example, your SM quits or she fails to get pego, you have to look for another one, paying another $5k for her testings, check ups, lab work and so on. This means some of the hidden costs are also possible!!
DeleteSo gald to hear about your surrogacy success, Rebecca.
DeleteIt's clear one cannot apply for surrogacy just 'cause she wants! There are dx a woman has to meet to use this option. Those are the following. The absence of the uterus; Deformation of the cavity or cervix; Diseases in which pregnancy and childbirth may endanger a woman’s life; 5 IVF attempts (this number might change within places); Structural and morphological, or anatomical changes in the endometrium of the uterus; Complex somatic diseases.
One of these dx should be proved by dr!! Besides there are many law aspects. For example, some countries will want you to be a married heterosexual couple only. Others won't mind you being single but the surro will have all rights for your baby..This platform should be carefully studied within countries and its surrogacy law. Also the nice option would be to look for the so called ''guaranteed packages''. This will make you to feel safe with your treatment investments.
Actually I don't really care for the reasons why women become surrogates. We're all different. Women who decide to become surrogates do it for their personal reasons. These women had no complications during their pregnancies and had smooth deliveries. I believe, surrogacy is for women who love being pregnant. In fact, many women love the experience that they become a repeat surrogate. Many gestational carriers agree that they didn’t enter into a surrogacy arrangement just for the money. And that was all about making parenthood dreams come true for someone else. However, the financial rewards they may receive are significant. I also read that surrogates agree that the most memorable thing was seeing their intending parents hold their baby for the very first time on delivery day. They just love this feeling. Some surrogates and their intending parents continue to keep in touch even after the delivery. We're among those. As I've posted here before our sweet Jack Matthew was born in 2015 via surrogacy. We still keep in touch with our surrogate. Furthermore this lovely lady is heavily prego again! She's going to give a birth to a baby-girl in 3 months..Just incredible!
ReplyDeleteGod bless you and your family! Sorrogacy really is the blessing! Not everyone realizes how big the act of being a surrogate really is. I became incapable of carrying the baby myself. Our lovely surrogate mother did it for us! She gave us the gift of life and we’ll be eternally grateful for this brave and heartwarming decision. I believe that becoming a surrogate takes a special kind of person.The process is rewarding but not without its challenges I should say. We were so tempted to call our surrogate day'n'night and get some news. Willing to know how she feels, how well she eats, how much rest she gets daily, whether the vitamins and supplements are doing best,..and every other thing you'll want to know when not being by side with your tiny bean developing.. I'm sure we were lucky enough to build long lasting relationships throughout the pregnancy and after the birth. I'm sure it’s not an easy decision to make. But regardless of what reasons a surrogate mother has, I believe this is an incredible opportunity to do something special for others.
DeleteCongratulations on your little one! After years of trying we found ourselves at a fertility expert who told us awful news. From that point we were meant to go straight to oe surrogacy because of much higher success rates. After weeks of self educating and searching we made the decision to go abroad. We've already had our 1st consultation with our clinic which was unexpectedly productive and smooth. Our next visit to the clinic will be for ET. Hope they'll harvest them gorgeous.. Could I ask you what program did you pass and costs? Items included into it? Just for comparison. Thank you.
DeleteI'm with you ladies. Intended parents come from all different backgrounds. Those may be same-sex couples or hopeful single parents who are ready to start a family. Others have struggled for years with infertility and have exhausted their fertility treatment options. However, all they have one thing in common. They all have a strong desire to add to their families. For them surrogacy makes this dream possible. Surrogacy gives hopeful parents the opportunity to raise a child from birth. IP are involved throughout the pregnancy experience. They are generally able to be present for many key milestones. From the ET to their baby’s birth. Surrogacy gives the opportunity to know and form a special bond with their surrogate. Also IP may face fewer restrictions with surrogacy than with adoption. those who cannot adopt due to agency restrictions on factors like age can still pursue this option. The surrogates have already carried other pregnancies. They have a proven uterus which increases their chances of successfully carrying another surrogacy pregnancy. This may make surrogacy more likely to be successful than fertility treatments for intended parents!! Furthermore, the option gives IP more control and peace of mind throughout the pregnancy than they usually have with fertility treatments.
ReplyDeleteWhile surrogacy is not without its challenges for intended parents, it is often the answer to years of hard work and frustration for hopeful couples and individuals who have tried unsuccessfully to add to their families.
Surrogacy is a very emotional and expensive process for a woman to have a baby. A woman often chooses surrogacy after numerous attempts and methods to conceive and carry a baby herself. The decision to continue onto surrogacy is usually a last resort. Surrogacy plan never works with a woman who just wants to keep her figure or sth else. See, if a woman can afford surrogacy which may cost between $70k -$100k for example, she can probably afford a tummy tuck or “mommy makeover.” So this is not the reason. Most women who want to be parents do not care about the temporary weight gain. Having a family is the most important aspect of their lives and number one priority. Surrogacy is about one woman helping another woman enjoy parenthood. And it has nothing to do with the mom to be concerned with her physical appearance!!
DeleteSorrogates are the lovelies willing to help those who can't. This makes them unique. They risk their body and health to carry one's baby. Money reward is the smallest thing we can offer them for their help. I like the ladies from the interview talking about the grief the infertile experience and that they'd love to help at least some of them to become mothers. definitely worth to watch.
I'd vote for surrogacy. We've been through and have only positive experiences. I remember our first visit to Biotexcom. We came to the clinic and got some bloodwork done, along with a sperm sample to determine whether solid embryos could be created. The nice thing about having been at the Venice Hotel is that they actually have a blood lab in the building. This means you can skip the lines at the clinic for doing the procedures. The nurse was very nice, and we had no problems with talking to staff. We were also impressed how clean everything was. The clinic and the blood lab asked us to put on shoe covers to keep the floor clean. They are very keen about keeping a sterile environment. After a few days there, we realized we were in good hands. There was always someone in sight cleaning, remodeling, or working on some part of the building, which showed that they were constantly trying to improve their services, and reinvest the money they make to better the experience for their clients. Certainly a great place to be with!!
DeleteAlso, ladies, do keep away from stress factor while passing any kind of treatment. Some people are skeptical that emotional and psychological attributes may be instrumental in affecting fertility. But researchers calculated mean stress levels during each phase of the menstrual cycle, with day 14 as the estimated time of ovulation. They found the negative effect of stress on fertility was only observed during the ovulatory window. It also was true after adjustments for other factors like age, body mass index, alcohol use and frequency of intercourse. So women’s high stress does reduce their probability of conception. And there's nothing to do about this fact.
Adding the previous comment, every surrogacy is different. Each surrogate may walk away from her experience with different benefits and rewards. However, each surrogacy is life-changing. I believe there is always sth to be gained from every journey.
ReplyDeleteHere are some of the main ways surrogacy can benefit these amazing women and their families~
Surrogates enjoy a deep sense of personal satisfaction and pride knowing they have helped another family in such an incredible and life-altering way.
Women who choose surrogacy are able to share their pregnancy journey with the intended parents and develop a strong bond throughout the process. Many surrogates develop lasting relationships with the families they help create.
Surrogates allow women who enjoy being pregnant to experience pregnancy again, even if their own families are complete.
Surrogates often enjoy a strong sense of community with other women who have been in their shoes.
Surrogates involve their family members, friends, and other supportive people in the process and are able to set a wonderful example of selflessness and generosity for those around them.
All of the surrogate’s expenses are paid for and reimbursed throughout the pregnancy, and she will enjoy a variety of services throughout the process, including top notch healthcare and counseling services.
In compensated surrogacy, the surrogate also receives base compensation that can be applied to her financial goals, such as saving for a house or college education.
Surrogacy can be a physically and emotionally demanding experience, and it takes a special person to be a surrogate for another family. However, the women who choose surrogacy agree that seeing a completed family at the end of their journey is the ultimate reward that makes it all worth it.
''You must be rich if you apply for surrogacy!'', i happened to hear once from a friend of mine who actually isn't any more..
ReplyDeleteThe majority thinks that surrogacy is only for the rich or celebrities. I suppose this myth exists because the cost of surrogacy is almost undeterminable. Surrogate fees and expenses vary substantially depending on several factors. Those may be such as Is the mother using her own eggs? or Does she need the help of an egg donor? Are the parents going through an agency? or Do they have a friend or family member willing to carry their baby? Health insurance is also a huge factor to consider. (There may be some insurance carriers that exclude surrogacy. in this case the IP must purchase a policy that is specifically for surrogacy and costs about $30k!!) However, there are some surrogate mothers who have excellent health insurance that does not limit or exclude surrogacy. In these cases, there is little or no cost to the parents for any maternity, labor or delivery of their baby. There are also select fertility centers that offer in-house financing, payment plans or cash discounts to assist their patients.
The surrogacy plan has worked with all levels of income!! There is always the country choice one may count on. There is always more time to make more money. Unfortunately we are not always young enough to realistically care for a newborn. So here one should be in little haste as for me. Still I believe there's always the option for everyone. bio tex com packages take into consideration all parties' interests.
I've watched some of bio tex com videos on youtube. This one as well. and the first thing which comes into my head is that surrogates is the blessing for us. For some reason they want to cary our kids for us. Be this purely desire to help or not, they do this huge favor for us. personally i have nothing against paying the compensation to them. 'cause they dedicate a lot of time to the process and take efforts to make it safe and successful. Besides ukrainian law regulates these relationships well. every part can feel safe which is a huge factor for all IP. IP are considered to be the only legal parents of the baby born. So all those cases like blackmailing or surro's backing out or any other unfortunate event is out of question here..Also another issue which differs greatly is that the surrogacy packages here cover almost all the unfortunate events like miscarriage or pre term birth, etc. it's surely impossible to see among the US fertility centers. Also bio tex com plans include all the meds. this said, their VIP package costs even cheaper than 1 shot surrogacy program at any US clinic!! Even though adding plane tickets and some other expenses-- going abroad will be more affordable than passing shots in the home area.
ReplyDeleteJust of some interest I've googles once for ''requirements for the surrogate'' and found out that~
ReplyDeleteSurrogate mother applications are accepted based on the following criteria:
Age between 21-39 years old.
BMI between 18-32.
Not currently on government financial support.
Must have given birth to and be raising at least one child.
Must provide OB/GYN records and a clearance letter.
Uncomplicated pregnancies and deliveries as documented by prenatal and delivery records.
Non-smoker living in a non-smoking home.
No history of criminal activity.
No history of clinical mental illness.
Surrogate and partner must agree to psychological testing.
Must agree to a home visit with all persons and pets currently residing in the home.
Stable, responsible lifestyle.
Financially sound.
And probably some others. Now tell me guys, aren't these women sent by Lord to all of us??!! They dedicate some period of their lives to fulfilling our dreams, and then have this special bound for their entire lives? Nothing to discuss more personally for me. It's obvious they are the blessing.
Some of the obvious advantages we've had with Biotexcom: No hidden payments. The payment is divided into several rates. Well screened donors and surrogate mothers have carefully considered their decision to be a part of the program. Unlimited number of attempts without losing money! Help with any questions. Assistance with financial arrangements. The fertility specialists of the highest qualifications. Each specialist has 15 and more years of experience. Full legal support without any additional payments. High live birth rate. Quality of the material. They work only with fresh biological material. That is why the chances to succeed are higher. Large database. Psychological health. Not a single thing to regret about. Wish everyone his best choice!
ReplyDeleteFor what the surrogates are doing they are just incredible! Here are the requirements to be a surrogate in the USA for example. A successful surrogate applicant:
ReplyDeleteHas delivered a child of her own. She is currently parenting at least one child.
Has had uncomplicated pregnancies and deliveries (As documented by medical records.)
Is between 21-41 years of age.
Typically has a BMI of no higher than 33.
Is a citizen, legal resident or legal immigrant of the USA (She must be able to provide documentation that is valid for at least 2 years.)
Does not participate in the following government aid programs.
Lives in a surrogate-friendly state.
Has a valid driver’s license.
Has the support of her family. If married or partnered, the surrogate must have her partner’s support.
Is financially secure.
Leads a stable, responsible lifestyle.
Is willing to travel for IVF process.
Does not use drugs, smoke cigarettes, or abuse alcohol.
Now tell me, what makes women go through this complicated and long process if not the strong will to help others..I know this is the interview with Ukrainian surrogates, but I believe they are not into the programs for money purely..
There are a lot of requirements to be a surrogate mother. Sometimes couples have a friends or family member they would like to carry their pregnancy. That’s absolutely a possibility. But not everyone is cut out for the job of being a surrogate mother!! It’s a long and taxing job. And it requires good mental and physical health! We'll always appreciate what our sweet surrogate has done for us. This is priceless.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear about your surrogacy successful experience. Everyone involved, including the commissioning parents, the surrogate, and the surrogate’s partner (if any), must have separate and joint counselling and independent psychological assessment. Being pregnant can be tiring. So it’s important for the surrogate to take the best care of herself and to discuss with health professionals any concerns she might have before and during the pregnancy. Pregnancy can affect the surrogate's emotional wellbeing and relationships. Maintaining healthy relationships can provide support during the pregnancy and after the birth.
DeleteI truly believe this is something you have to go into with an open heart. As I've mentioned before, we made some good friends while our stay at Biotex. One couple told us about their surrogate. They told one of the reasons she came into the program was showing her own children that anyone can be a hero to someone. Children watch everything their parents do. They tend to think of heroes as sports figures or comic characters. Her children also heared the positive comments she received from people when they found out she was a surrogate. They also heared the outright thanks she get from the intended parents. And that has expanded her children’s thinking as to what a hero really is. And that anyone can truly make a difference in people’s lives. To my mind, reasons might be very different. I doubt if women agree to become the surrogates purely for money matter. As the process is quite risky, I mean it may influence the surrogate's health. like any other woman who carries the baby for 9 months. And if the surrogate is willing to take some time from her own family, while carrying your kid - it's really fantastic, and means she does care and wants sth more from this process but money. Those women are fantastic!
ReplyDeleteFour and a half years ago I said to myself it's now or never. You'll never be completely ready to have a child so just take the plunge! So I did. The months passed nothing happened. Then a year, then another and another and another and then this last one. We belong to the unexplained infertility category. One unsuccessful IUI , five rounds of Clomid, unsuccessful IVF rounds with own eggs..We did waste huge money sums!! If only could we know some overseas clinic Biotexcom offers those affordable all-inclusive 'guaranteed' packages!! This could hold us on a flow.. Unfortunately we got to know much later when had to spend another year saving for further treatments. Came to Biotexcom for surrogacy process.
ReplyDeleteI don't believe surrogates are doing this for altruistic reason mainly. We know the current situation in Ukraine. so that probably carrying the baby for another couple is the way to improve the situation. Like every side gets its benefits. The IP get their kid, the surrogates get compensated for their time and afforts. I personally see nothing wrong about this. Frankly speaking, I don't think I'd do this myself just because I want to help others..
Thank you, ladies, from the deep of my heart.
DeleteSurrogacy’s benefits for intended parents are clear. These couples are finally able to add to their families. This is often after years of unsuccessful ttc and hoping for success. But there is more to it. I mean the benefits of surrogacy for the surrogates. Every surrogacy is different. Each surrogate may walk away from her experience with different benefits and rewards. Each surrogacy is life-changing. So there is usually something to be gained from every journey. Surrogates enjoy a deep sense of personal satisfaction knowing they have helped another family in such an incredible way. Women who choose surrogacy are able to share their pregnancy journey with the intended parents. Many surrogates develop lasting relationships with the families they help create. Surrogates involve their surroundings into the process and are able to set a wonderful example of generosity. If the surrogacy is compensated, the surrogate also receives base compensation that can be applied to her financial goals, such as saving for a house. Finally, I read quite often, the women who choose surrogacy agree that seeing a completed family at the end of their journey is the ultimate reward that makes it all worth it.
I've read that even in the womb, babies can hear sounds and movement around them. Starting early, during pregnancy, is one way to interact with baby before they’re even earthside! It would be a nice idea to record your voices reading a favourite childhood story or singing a nursery song, choose favourite songs for baby to listen to in the womb, or talk to baby via skype or in-person time spent with the surrogate. Baby’s sense of smell is also strong. I read one surrogacy family chose to ask their gestational surrogate to sleep with a stuffed animal regularly. When it came time for baby to transition to her parents, she had the scent of her surrogate for comfort.
ReplyDeleteOf course, after baby arrives, the ways we can bond grows!
Why the surrogates are doing this..do they get exploited..They are only in it for money..etc. - Those are quite common things I often hear in the media. However, it is a concern that is also typically expressed early on when intended parents are just considering surrogacy. The fact of the matter is that these kind women contend with a tremendous amount in exchange for their compensation.~~Their commitment of time. Often inconvenience to their daily lifestyle. The invasive medical screenings and other clinical procedures will, generally speaking, weed out from the pool those young women who are purely financially motivated!! I'm sure it's this way only. Surrogacy is simply not an easy process!! Because surrogates typically meet with a physician, a nurse, a mental health professional, often an attorney and perhaps other family building professionals, the uninformed applicant who may see this as a quick way to earn money or who may be lured by the promise of compensation is likely to reconsider when risks and the commitment required are explained! I'd say the same is if we're talking about egg donors. God bless the youngies going through this. I personally don't mind the idea of them being compensated for their efforts. Furthermore, I'll be never thankful to them, as we've been throught the hurdle ourselves. And god knows what we'd do if no kind surrogate who was willing to help us.
ReplyDeleteNice post of yours. This is a sample of questions that intended parents should ask before applying for the procedure:
DeleteIs the clinic responsive to clients? For example, are they prompt in returning calls and e-mails? Is there more than one person who can respond if the parents’ primary contact is away or busy? Does the firm operate as a team?
Regarding screening of potential surrogates:
Do they meet the surrogate in person?
Do they evaluate her home environment? Or is the screening limited solely to a telephone or office interview?
Do they do reference checks?
What kind of information do they obtain about the surrogate candidate’s prior pregnancies to minimize the risk that this will be a high-risk pregnancy?
Some parents choose to search for a surrogate independently. In this case, it is of the utmost importance that both intended parents and surrogates obtain legal advice before making any agreements or signing any contracts. A clear contract can prevent many potential conflicts during the process. Intended parents should also research a potential surrogate’s history to make sure that there is no cause for concern.
To my mind it's much better to seek for help through a reputable clinic, and of course in a surrogacy friendly country.
As I've already mentioned, surrogacy can be complicated. Gestational surrogacy involves complex medical procedures, and surrogacy laws. Legal processes can be overwhelming at times. It is important to work closely with a trusted professional to ensure the process is completed safely and legally. Surrogacy costs can be significant. Because of the number of people and services required to complete a successful surrogacy, surrogacy can be expensive. Surrogacy requires you to let go of some control. While intended parents typically enjoy a greater sense of control and involvement than families pursuing adoption, you will need to relinquish some control and trust your surrogate to carry the pregnancy for you. Similar to a traditional pregnancy, surrogacy can take its toll on one’s body. Surrogates must undergo screenings. Attend interviews and appointments, and carry a baby for 9 months. During this time, gestational carriers are asked not to engage in any risky or strenuous physical activity that could endanger the pregnancy. Biotex takes good care of its surrogates. At the end of it all, the reward of delivering a new family member surpasses any temporary inconvenience.
DeleteAfter a year of unsuccessful trying we finished the work up at the RE and discovered that my AMH was really low - 0.06. I did end up pregnant once. but it was a chemical that ended just shy of 4 weeks. The RE basically said that I had a 2% chance of getting pregnant naturally. Moreover, if I do there is a 50/50 chance of miscarriage due to DOR and poor egg quality. I am currently almost 41. I've never had children on my own before. But due to circumstances adopted my niece time ago.. So during our further investigations our RE said that our best chance was to do IVF with pregenetic screening. He said that bumps are chances up to 60%. This seemed too little..But we made the go. I think I've got the best prepared for IVF cycles – used all the possible tips to make my eggs better and the overall health state just excellent..My husband and I called a couple of IVF centers in our area that our doctor gave us. but each IVF consultation was over $300!! and pricing started at $10k!! We honestly did not have any close family or friends that have gone through IVF and thought going on different fertility boards would be a great place to start to get some options from other people going through the same thing. We were also willing to do this outside CA since we figured it might be affordable. We passed 2 shots IVF, both times faced mc, our new dr told us tiny was the chance for me to conceive and carry the baby on my own..Soon found ourselves in Ukraine, Biotexcom clinic, signing up for a surrogacy package.
DeleteUnder the guidelines, surrogates must be: Between 25-35 years old. The natural mother of at least one child. Mentally and physically capable of becoming a Surrogate Mother. Surrogate may have no relation to commissioning parents. The marital status of the surrogate is irrelevant. A legal surrogacy agreement must be signed between the parents and the surrogate That said, surrogacy in Ukraine is not without it’s risks. All new parents must apply for citizenship and travel visas to return home with their newborn babies. This is quite easy in countries like the United States or the UK. However some countries have steadfastly refused to issue citizenship to surrogacy babies, including France and Germany. All couples who are considering surrogacy in Ukraine should check with a local Family Law expert to see what will be the process for establishing citizenship and bringing the baby home.
ReplyDeleteNice video to watch. Ladies seem sincere when explaining their reasons why.. I personally don't mind the surros to be paid for their ''services''. This is because they invest too much into the process, they just have to be rewarded somehow. If it's money, then ok. They invest their personal time, private life, time taken from their own kids etc. so to me, no way of judging their actions and talking purely about commercial surrogacy in Ukraine. As the lady from the video says, I want to help some infertile couple to have a baby. And I wanna help my family as well. Surros are amazing all around the world if involved into the process on the law basis. (Here I'm talking not about those who deliver kids for couples, and then try to keep the babies, blackmailing or sth of this kind, you see. In these cases surros are really ugly to me) In Ukraine ssurrogacy is well regulated on the federal level. so there is no possibility you could stay childless after the process is over. This makes the country unique destination.
ReplyDeleteFor those who have struggled with infertility and those with medical conditions that make pregnancy unsafe, surrogacy is often the answer to years of unsuccessful attempts to create a family. This is my point of view. And seems no one could change it.
ReplyDeleteGestational surrogacy often enables one or both parents to maintain a biological relationship with their child. One can use own egg + partner's sperm; donor egg + partner's sperm; donor's motochondria+own egg+partner's sperm (the newest method).
Surrogacy creates relationships. As many intended parents become close with their surrogate and her family during the process, developing meaningful bonds that can last a lifetime. A legally binding contract outlining everyone’s expectations will be negotiated and signed prior to the embryo transfer. So everyone will know exactly what to expect during the surrogacy process. IP are often able to be involved in their surrogate’s pregnancy. They attend key appointments. They are present for important milestones, including the embryo transfer and birth. Surrogates have a proven track record of carrying healthy pregnancies, which often makes surrogacy more likely to be successful than fertility treatments for intended parents.
Just a thought for today. Many parents are somewhat uncomfortable discussing conception and birth with their children. We are in the same boat with them as one day we’ll be facing the same challenge. And when a child’s birth story involves the social, emotional, medical and legal complexities of surrogacy, the conversation will seem especially overwhelming. We passed the treatment in Biotexcom, Ukraine resulting in our adorable little daughter. Surrogacy is an important part of our child’s story. And I believe it is important to be honest with your children about their surrogacy story from the beginning. We have a strong feeling that children have the right to know their stories. Here are some of the reasons we’ll do it when right time comes. Firstly, we’d want to escape a heavy burden which might be placed on us as well as friends and family members to conceal the surrogacy story. Lying or failing to tell the truth can create issues of shame, guilt and distrust – and we don’t want these into or lives.
ReplyDeleteThere are others, including extended family, friends and the surrogate’s family, who know your child’s story, and it can be damaging if our child hears the truth from someone other than us. We’ll definitely do it in future and I hope our daughter will understand us.
Banned in many parts of the world, commercial surrogacy is available in only few countries. also roughly in 14 states in the US. But the cost is more than most parents can afford. The fact that surrogacy often takes several attempts is a financial consideration. Whether using a US clinic or one abroad, most couples choosing surrogacy as their choice for procreation can see multiple rounds of IVF fail before a surrogate successfully becoming pregnant. Gestational surrogacy makes it possible to harvest eggs from the mother, fertilize them with sperm from the father, and place the embryo into the uterus of a gestational surrogate. The surrogate then carries the baby until birth. She has no genetic ties to the child. That's because it wasn't her egg that was used. A gestational surrogate is called the "birth mother." The biological mother, though, is still the woman whose egg was fertilized.
ReplyDeleteNow the number of those desiring to recourse to the surrogate motherhood is growing. Married couples who can not have children on their own, go in search of surrogate mothers in other countries, where their interests are protected by law. For many families this way is the only chance to have their own child. We're among those couples too. Looking forward our 2nd surrogacy cycle.
SMs give hope to army of infertile. Blessed ladies they are to carry kids for others. Though this question might be always controversial for society. Some tend to say they do it purely for money. Others say they have purely altruistic reasons. Personally I don't care. I just want to say these people are awesome. If surrogacy is your way out then don't waste time and go this route!
DeleteAll the very best to you on the way. I've got to know loads of info on the surrogacy in Ukraine too. Here is a couple of things a couple must know before evaluating this option there. Surrogate mothers there have no rights for the child. Speaking metaphorically, this service equal to the lease. As a rule, parent of the child is indicated by the biological father who provided the sperm. That's why only married couples can go for the program of surrogate motherhood in Ukraine!! And for the same reason it does not cooperate with homosexual couples. Mother will be registered as a parent if her egg was used instead of donor's. List of documents for the the registry office:
DeleteA statement of the spouses parents. Birth certificate. A notarized statement of agreement of a surrogate mother to record the spouses parents of the baby. Information about the genetic relationship of the child's father. Parent’s passports. Parent’s marriage certificate.
Register office is not allowed to ask for: the contract between the genetic parents and the surrogate mother (it’s a confidential document); surrogate mother’s presence while child registration; appeals to the guardianship.
Again, one should study law perfectly well before applying for the procedure!
Our package at BTC included the following:
ReplyDeleteProfessional consultation. Agency fee. When you decide to start the procedure and want to make specific plans for your procedure, the agency fee is due. It is paid only once. (Typical services provided by your agency fee: liaising with the surrogate, the clinic, the egg door agency, and other service providers.) Administration fees for the donor and surrogate. This fee is typically paid when the parents are ready to choose an egg donor or surrogate. The payment covers the cost of evaluating and initially preparing your surrogate. At that time a series of fertility tests, medical evaluations, psychological test, legal background check, and more are performed. Surrogates must pass each step before she is assigned to a couple. Initial clinical start-up fees. It also is a financial commitment to the clinic that you will follow through on the surrogacy procedure. It is due when parents schedule their initial visit to the clinic to leave their sperm sample, or when they engage with the clinic to plan their egg donation. Surrogate compensation. (In the US the local laws often demand that entire surrogate compensation is paid up-front into an escrow account. Payments are then released to the surrogate each month during the pregnancy. In this case there is typically a very large initial payment once the surrogate has been selected and signed. But this is balanced by very small payments made during the pregnancy itself.) In overseas programs the surrogate compensation is typically paid month-by-month during the pregnancy. IVF procedure and embryo transfer: This fee pays for the egg donation, IVF procedure, and first embryo transfer. Different clinics and agencies will treat the cost of medication differently. At Biotexcom a well-managed program includes the cost of the medication in the original budget. (In other cases the cost of meds is added on as an extra expense!!). Prenatal care. In the US payment for prenatal care begins when the surrogate is confirmed pregnant. This pays for the surrogate’s housing and prenatal exams, ultrasounds, and personal oversight (including housekeeping, travel, clothing allowance, etc.) These payments are not refundable, so the cost of prenatal care is generally separated into installments. If for some reason the pregnancy terminates, future installments are not needed, but the intended parents will lose any payments made to that point. Payment can be made every month, or every trimester of the pregnancy. But this is not the question with Ukrainian clinics. Yet one step included into the package price. Delivery and recovery. This payment covers the cost of the delivery of the baby and the post-natal care of the surrogate. In some programs the surrogate’s final compensation is withheld until after the delivery to ensure she continues to be available during the bureaucratic process of apply for citizenship, passports and the return home of the baby. Finally, bureaucracy and the return home. Biotexcom has a greater portion of the paperwork needed to register the baby’s birth and start the process of establishing the baby’s citizenship. That often includes the birth certificate, copies of the surrogacy contract, and hospital records of the birth.
I support people talking about Ukraine as a perfect destination for surrogacy. Here are some of the reasons. For those countries that allow surrogacy the laws typically give all parental rights to the surrogate. This is so until a court process can transfer the rights from her to the IP. In these countries the surrogate has the right to keep the baby if she chooses. But this will never happen in Ukraine. Surrogacy there is well regulated. Surrogacy contracts are considered enforceable under legislation. Under Ukrainian law, the child belongs to IP from the moment of conception. Once the baby is born, the birth certificate is issued with the names of the IP. SM is not awarded any parental rights. She has no standing to keep the baby or claim any rights. This is true even if there were no biological relation between the child and IP. In this and other cases their names remain on the birth certificate. Besides costs are much more affordable in Ukraine than, for example, in the UK and the US. I think it's worth considering.
ReplyDeleteNot surprising. For me, firstly, because the country's surrogacy friendly law. Other European countries either prohibit surrogacy or allow surrogacy agreements only the surrogate is unpaid. For those countries that allow surrogacy the laws typically give all parental rights to the surrogate. This is so until a court process can transfer the rights from her to the IP. In these countries the surrogate has the right to keep the baby if she chooses. But this will never happen in Ukraine. Surrogacy there is well regulated. Surrogacy contracts are considered enforceable under legislation. Under Ukrainian law, the child belongs to IP from the moment of conception. Once the baby is born, the birth certificate is issued with the names of the IP. SM is not awarded any parental rights. She has no standing to keep the baby or claim any rights. This is true even if there were no biological relation between the child and IP. In this and other cases their names remain on the birth certificate. Another point is of course affordable prices. VIP package costs somewhat 50k eur, including everything needed for the procedure. I never happened to learn this before with any other clinic. Though our path was long and painful. It took us 10 years to get to surrogacy. We passed 5 ivf shots & 2 FETs. Only one of which brought us our lovely daughter. Yet another shot ended with a mc at 10wks no heartbeat. Further complications led us to surrogacy as I couldn't carry pregnancy myself any more. We made the decision to undergo surrogacy at Biotexcom & have no regrets so far. The process goes on smoothly. We've got a lovely surrogate to carry our baby. Hope this works out.
DeletePersonally I love the idea how surrogates are qualified for the process in Ukraine. Ukainian surrogates are between 25-35 years old. A SM is a natural mother of at least one child. She's mentally and physically capable of becoming a SM. The marital status of the surrogate is irrelevant. All you need to do is to chose the best SM for you and sign a legal agreement with your SM. I'd also mention oursurrogacyblog.wordpress.com to everyone considering surrogacy in Ukraine.
ReplyDeleteMy point is, you don’t owe anybody anything: not deep, introspective soliloquies on the state of your womb, nor the whole truth, which they probably couldn’t handle anyway. Come up with a few good lines that will keep everyone happy: “When it happens, it happens!” / “That’s a great question!” / “I’m not sure. How’s your baby?” The main point here is that you’re moving on. Through IVF or surrogacy - you’re doing your best not to regret all ‘‘what ifs’’ later. Surrogacy is a great option if done overseas. To my mind Ukraine might be the best choice. It’s a surrogacy friendly country. Law regulates the process for all sides involved. You’re sure to be the only legal parents of the baby from the moment of conception! The surro has no right to keep the baby after she signs the contracts. Besides surrogacy there is affordable. Costs vary but those are much cheaper than anywhere else. (Taking into consideration all inclusive plans, bio texcom, for example, offers its IP). I’m wishing everyone all the best of luck ahead.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. I like to hear it all from those who have gone before me and I appreciate the honesty! Best IVF Centres in Virar
ReplyDelete